On Sunday, with nothing better to do, I was trolling through some election statistics (which of course confirms that I have no life) when my eye caught an interesting statistic.

Of the just over 26 million registered voters, almost 14,5 million are female. That means that almost 3 million more women are registered to vote than men! That is a difference of 11% when it comes to actual voters.

“Now,” I thought, “if only women could stand together and vote for politicians who are free of corruption and determined to serve the people, we could change the landscape of South African politics and South Africa completely.”

When I raised this with a few of my female friends, they all agreed that it was a great idea, but then wanted to know who they should vote for.

Mulling this over, I started to think about who I would like to vote for in an ideal world. I also thought about what a cabinet full of powerful, badass women would look like.

So, I had a bit of fun and compiled my own list.  I decided on one rule only (because I hate rules):  No serving politician would make it into my cabinet. (I mean what would be the use? You would also just annoy those that won’t make the cut - politicians have very fragile egos - and then they’ll all want a right to reply and News24 will get into trouble, and I will get into trouble because News24 is in trouble... anyway you get the point). 

I did apply some general principles. My cabinet would be much smaller than the existing one because we all know you need a lot fewer women than men to get a job done. I would also have no deputy ministers since women don’t deputize - we just do the job. Lastly, I combined a few portfolios because women are good at multi-tasking.

With those “indisputable truths” out of the way, here is my list of names and motivations:

President: Thuli Madonsela:

No explanation needed, just because she is Thuli!!!

Justice and correctional service: Sisi Khampepe:

Jacob Zuma said: “I am willing to go to jail”, and she said: “Well, off you go then.”

Finance: Fundi Tshazibana:

Currently the Deputy Governor of the Reserve bank, she has a number of (real!) degrees and has absolutely no background in secondhand furniture sales (as did ol’ Des van Rooyen).

Communications: Noxolo Grootboom

We all love her, and she survived the SABC for 37 years – which takes some doing.

Education: Lindiwe Mazibuko

She went to Harvard and gave Helen Zille the proverbial middle finger, so she must be super clever!

Environment and Water Affairs: Pam Yako

No one knows more about the environment and water in South Africa than Pam, and even bombastic guys in camouflage with guns don’t scare her.

Sport: Caster Semenya

She would be super-fast at delivering results and wouldn’t tire easily. It would also be nice to say: “take that” to the international sporting community.

Tourism: Cheryl Carolus

Never was our tourism better than when Cheryl was head of South African Tourism – and she started “Braai Day”. We owe her…

Welfare: Precious Moloi-Motsepe

She is a doctor so should understand people’s pain. She runs a massive foundation with her husband, Patrice. As an added benefit, if the state runs out of money (which of course it won’t because there will be no corruption), she and her hubby can just bail us out.

Health: Prof. Glenda Gray

She knows everything about medicine and vaccines and cut through all the international red tape to get us our first vaccines.  

Police: Barbara Hogan

She is as tough as nails, totally incorruptible and takes no shit from anybody. She also scares me a bit – which is exactly what you want in a minister of police.

Home Affairs: Brigalia Bam

As the former head of the IEC, she knows a lot about long queues. She is also a fantastic organizer who cares about people, so she would have Home Affairs in top shape in no time.

Small business development:  Kekeletso or Kedibone Tsiloane

These two sisters have actually developed a business (they make bricks from plastic!), and I would leave it to them to decide which one should become minister – or maybe they can rotate.

Defense: Major Mandisa Nomcebo Mfeka

She is South Africa’s first female combat fighter pilot, so she would be able to defend the country better than Will Smith in an Independence Day Scenario. She would also know which planes to buy so they don’t remain parked on the ground.

Foreign Affairs: Pregs Govender

Pregs is a principled powerhouse. As someone who spoke out against the arms deal waaaaaay back, she doesn’t tolerate frivolous expenditures and would put an end to all those endless cocktail parties and ridiculously expensive houses overseas.

Arts and Culture: Schalk Bezuidenhout

He will be our token male in the cabinet and with a daily video on Instagram, he would keep the country feeling good and positive.

Housing:  

I was going to give this one to Helen Zille… (I can hear you all groan) …. on account that she would have it all built within six months.  I would of course have made it a precondition that she should surrender her smartphone and all other devices that can connect with social media. However, I then thought of all that non-washing of hair during the Cape Town drought crisis and her standing in a “Waskom” with her nicely painted toenails and immediately changed my mind.

So, I still have one vacancy. I’m thinking of someone who is in construction and knows how to build real houses. Any suggestions?

On a serious note, how I wish that some of the women I mentioned above would start a party so that I, and many other South Africans, would again have people that we can trust to vote for.

#justputtingitoutthere @TuliMadonsela