When will South Africa be a place where women are safe and free?

I don’t often allow myself to fall into despair, but over the last week or two, I really struggled. Yes, there has been the increasing negativity about the state of the country, the exasperating political action (and inaction), loadshedding, the lack of basic services in many towns and cities, and the decline of the economy. 

All of that is depressing, but I can put up with it.

Then two weeks ago, a young girl was raped at one of my favourite spots – my happy place – on Table Mountain. The next day someone in my neighbourhood was robbed at knife point while walking her dog and with her new born baby tied to her chest. It was just meters away from my house. A few days later, a friend of a friend’s body was found naked in a park in Sandton after she never made it back after an organised run. 

Events like these are nothing new, but I am tired to the point of feeling broken of all the horrific violence women have to endure in this country. 

I have written about this so many times and I’m not sure what more I can say that will make a difference. 

I can mention again that a women gets killed every three hours in South Africa and that it is almost five times the global average. I can write about the multiple reasons researchers suggest that men abuse and murder women. I can comment on various measures locally and internationally that have been put in place to try and combat GBV. 

But will it make any difference? I don’t know. 

What I do know is that, despite all the liberal provisions in our Constitution, women are not free in this country.

How can we be free when we constantly have to look over our shoulders, aware of potential danger lurking? How can we be free when every time we walk somewhere where it is quiet or dark, we fear that we might  be raped? How can we be free when every time we use public transport, we have to run the gauntlet of sexual abuse? How can we be free when we fear that our car might break down and that those who arrive will most probably hurt or kill us instead of helping? How can we be free when millions of women living in informal settlements have to face the risk of being raped and even killed when they need to visit the public toilets at night? How can we be free if so many live in constant fear in their own homes and beds?

Women are not free in this country and our worlds are becoming smaller and smaller as the threat of violence against us grows. 

No matter how hard I try, I just cannot understand how any human being can stab a beautiful, tiny, young woman in her stomach in order to kill the baby inside her which is almost ready to be born. What kind of barbarity must you possess to do that and then hang that woman from a tree? 

Or, what kind of human being can rape a baby girl, while she cries and bleeds? What kind of human being kills his wife and children in cold blood while they beg for mercy? What kind of human being rapes, kills, and then dismembers a woman before dumping her next to high way?

Something is deeply wrong in our society and it is as if we have just started to accept it as part of who we are and the complexities of our society. Surely that cannot be right? 

In the past we have marched, worn black, held vigils and begged and pleaded for help from the government. Lately, it seems that we can’t muster the outrage or energy to do even that anymore….perhaps because we have learnt it doesn’t change anything. 

Still, we have to fight back, we cannot accept that this is the world our girls will grow up in. 

As we going into an election year it is time for women to have our voices heard.  It is also time for the vast majority of men to take a good look at themselves and take a stand. Yes, most men don’t rape, abuse or kill women. Still, many are happy to tell sexist jokes or objective women. Many also still share an entitlement when it comes to sex especially in relationships in marriage – all of which form part of a belief that women as lesser beings and contributes to a culture that leads to rape and violence. 

I’m also tired of the platitudes of government when it comes to GBV. I want all of the politicians to stand up and say: “Real men don’t hurt women and girls” and for all the law enforcement agencies to take this seriously. 

As women we have the right to live in a country where we can be safe and free. Sadly, South Africa has not been such a place for a long time.